Editorial: I’ve Lived In This Town For 31 Years And Haven’t Been Invited To One Group Sex Party

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August 3, 2015 - Local / Uncategorized

by Teresa Lewis, Pasadena

Can I ask you all a question?

How is that I’ve lived and done business in this town for 30 years and yet have not been invited to one single group sex party?

Not a single darn one. How do you explain that?

You’d think if you spend enough time in a certain place…get to know the people, hangouts, gossip, you’d hear about this kind of stuff. You’d think if you hung around enough Turkish bath houses on Wednesdays some Arab by the sauna would give you the ol’ one-two wink and it’s a one-way ticket to orgy-massage-Turkish-bingo-land.

But apparently we live in some sort of sex-starved society here in Pasadena. Are we Puritans or something? What is wrong with this place?

Now, I should say I have actually been invited to eight or nine group sex parties around here. If I’m being completely honest.

But that’s not the point!

The point is…umm…why not more? And can’t we get more than eleven people at once? Have we hit some kind of barrier here? If I’m really going to go through the trouble of cleaning my living room and making a whole brisket it would be nice to get some new faces and asses in the mix.

And can we somehow prevent Clara from finding out about the next one? I know it’s a little mean-spirited but do we really want her in the mix every damn time? Surely I’m not alone on this one.

…Well I think I’ve lost track a bit. The point is, get off your lazy butt this Saturday and meet for a big group sex party in the bathroom at the lawn bowling field near McAdams Park at 3pm. Cocktails will be served from 3:30 – 4.

No first-timers. And no one tell Clara.

› tags: parties / Pasadena / sex /