Editorial: I’ve Been Up All Night Smoking Crack And Playing Pokemon. Here Are My Thoughts On The European Banking Crisis.

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August 18, 2016 - Universe

By Jeb Smote, Monrovia

Alright, so you got these guys in suits who are running money around all over the world. Smoking cigars, jumping through hoops like it’s the goddam Barnum and Bailey circus, you follow me here?

Money to the left, money to the right, soon you’re giving out so much cash you can’t remember if you sold your ass to the King of Tanzia. But it doesn’t matter. He’s in it for the sex. Who’s worse, you or him?

But that itch! The urge to be free! It’s consumed you. It started as a faint little desire but now it eats at you night and day…it’s destroying you. Physically…emotionally…

Damn I wish we had caught the Charmeleon. Need more of those fucking eggs.

And the market! The market’s crazy! The market’s nuts and oh-so-silly! So what do you do? No one knows. Try and stop it? Jump on and ride it into the sky, and into the ground! Maybe it’s all the same, anyway?

See what I’m saying here? Gotta cool your jets, Johnnie. Only 3 more Mankeys til we’re kicking down the doors of the all the CEOs in Europe screaming:

“WHERE CAN WE GET SOME MORE CRACK?”

I have so many Pidgeots I’m like a damn bird sanctuary.