Editorial: I May Smell Like Chicken Salad But I Have A Right To My Opinion

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November 4, 2017 - Local

by Bert Strong, Pasadena

Come on now, people. This needs to come to an end. I am sick and tired of being bullied and criticized just because I smell like chicken salad.

Yes, I eat chicken salad pretty often. So what? That means I don’t get to come to town hall meetings and express my opinion?

Let’s quit it with the whispers. I can hear them all, you know:

“What is with this guy? He smells like…chicken salad.” 

“Does this guy work in a chicken salad factory or something?” 

“What do you get when you cross a chicken salad sandwich with a fan that blows the smell everywhere? This guy!”

You guys really have nothing better to do than to gossip about what I smell like? I mean, why don’t you guys get a life?

And by the way, I DON’T work in a chicken salad factory. So that is not the reason the smell is so strong. Nice try, jerks.

Sure, I could try tuna. But I don’t really like it as much. It’s a texture thing, I think. It gets stuck in my teeth and I feel gross. Well yeah, sure, chicken salad gets stuck in my teeth too. But it’s more mushy and less stringy than tuna so it’s not as difficult to deal with.

But I digress. I thought America was about freedom of speech? Since when do we care so much about what we eat and smell like?

We need to move past this. There are important city matters to be discussed at these meetings, and I don’t want our town to be distracted by what appears to be chicken salad falling out of my pockets and onto my shoes.

I deserve better. We all deserve better.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go eat some lunch. I’m in the mood for some… hot dogs.

Ha! I’ll bet you thought I was going to say chicken salad. Well, I eat other things too. Now you know.

Just kidding I’ll probably just do the chicken salad again for lunch today.