Editorial: I Got My Dick Caught In A Snow Cone Machine. Where Are My Trigger Warnings?


April 8, 2015 - Local

by Art Groeber, South Pasadena

Let’s talk about trigger warnings. I happen to think they’re an excellent idea. Why should someone have to relive a harrowing experience for no reason? PTSD is real. Trust me, I would know. So I think it’s great that victims are given a warning before they’re exposed to material that may trigger traumatic memories.

The trouble is, there are no trigger warnings for a guy like me. A guy who just wants to live his life without regularly being reminded of an unspeakably horrible incident involving his dick and a snow cone machine. Must I suffer just because I choose to read a dessert blog about frozen treats? Or a political article that mentions Jared Kushner was seen eating eating a snow cone at a national security briefing? It doesn’t seem right.

Do you know what a snow cone machine looks like? Google it. I dare you. Perhaps you could guess the kinds of things I think about when I am exposed to content involving snow cones. That is not a day I want to revisit. It was pretty much the worst day ever.

My hope is more people like me will come forward and tell their stories. Surely there are others who have experienced frozen dessert-related trauma and need their voices heard. Let’s all stand up together and say “NO MORE ARTICLES ABOUT SNOW CONES WITHOUT A WARNING FIRST”. It is the only way people like me will finally be able to heal.

Well, that and the dick surgery.

› tags: desserts / snow cones / trauma / trigger warnings /