Editorial: I Done Goofed
May 23, 2016 - Local
By Hal Oatem, Monrovia
Well well…I ain’ ne’er gon’ hear the end of this ‘un. I done goofed up proper, and now I got all hell to pay. Mhm. Ma ain’ gon’ take a shinin’ to this. No siree. I done goofed and now my bacon gon’ get fried for this ‘un.
Oooh-wee. When Clarabelle finds out ’bout dis darn goof she gon’ whip me up like dirt in the hogslop during feedin’ time. Yes sir, she gon’ make me squeal and holler like ol’ Tom Turlock when he done get gout all in his ankles. Hot-cha-cha! I’m gon’ be all hol’d up on when dis’ hammer done go ahead and fall on miself.
An’ don’ get me started on what ol’ Uncle Figgins gon’ do to my noggin. He probably ‘ll take mah ass to the truckstop and git Reggie and his ol’ boys to done beat me silly in the parkin’ lot. Like they gone did to ol’ Pat’s boy. I ain’ got no chance.
So kids, listen here. Don’ you ever go do what I gone done here in the Bayou. It ain’ worth it. No sir. Next time ya’ll have a hankerin to git all gone done in the god dang gittin on jus’ say no before ya git it. I won’t never forget what done doing what dis’ done gone doing to me.