Editorial: I Ate All The Corned Beef
February 28, 2016 - Local
By Elizabeth Harr, Altadena
Hey guys. Sorry. I screwed up. You know how all that corned beef is missing? And everyone is really mad? Well…it was kinda….me…who ate it all.
Ah crap you’re so pissed aren’t you?
I know I know! I shouldn’t have! But it was just sitting on the counter. And I hadn’t eaten lunch that day. What was I supposed to do?
And yes, I should have admitted it earlier. Before Tony Marci was blamed and kicked out of town. Before we searched all the kids’ school lockers. Before we all made ourselves vomit so food scientists could study the results and see who’s at fault.
But better late than never, right? Isn’t it at least comforting to know we didn’t just misplace it? That it was really there in the first place and we’re not losing our minds?
I know some will never forgive me, but I just wanted to throw this out there in case anyone would. I know it was a lot of corned beef, and was meant to feed many people. I admit my actions were selfish and deplorable. All I want is to come out here and sincerely say I know what I did was wrong and I am so so so sorry to you all.