Editorial: Having Read A Few Sentences In The Wikipedia Article On Sexual Assault I Can No Longer Support Roy Moore

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November 10, 2017 - Universe

by Mike Lee, U.S. Senator from Utah

My fellow Americans, I am horrified.

Following the allegations against senate candidate Roy Moore, I decided it was time for me to do a little reading on sexual assault. I browsed the first few lines of the Wikipedia article on sexual assault and I did not like what I saw.

Did you know that women don’t like to be assaulted? In fact, they seem to hate it.

I always assumed women enjoyed it when people made unwanted sexual adavances toward them. But that is apparently not the case.

With that in mind, I can no longer support Roy Moore for U.S. Senate.

Regards,

Mike Lee

U.S. Senator

P.S.┬áNo we can’t talk about the Trump’s Access Hollywood tape right now because I have to….go….umm…meet a….sandwich….about….well…about an….arson….investigation. Yeah. That will do it.