Editorial: Being A Father Has Taught Me I’m A Very Stupid Man

new

July 20, 2015 - Uncategorized

By Rick Lewis, Altadena

Sometimes it feels like the stress and hard work that comes from being a parent can be overbearing. But I’ve learned these hardships can actually teach us many things about ourselves that we never would have realized otherwise.

One thing I’ve learned about myself from being a parent is that I am a very stupid, incompetent man.

Being a parent has taught me that I am unable to perform certain tasks necessary for my childrens’ survival. For example, I’ve discovered my reading and logic skills are incredibly weak. I have to make stuff up on my childrens’ doctor’s and tax forms because the language is too difficult for me to understand. And as a result, my daughter Sally almost died from taking an antibiotic she was allergic to.

Who knew being a parent would expose me as such a moron?

Not only have I  screwed up some of the more acceptable parenting blunders, like dropping your kid on the head or leaving them in a sweltering locked car for several hours, I seem to screwing up additional things other parents take as a given.

Babies can’t eat hard foods? How the hell was I supposed to know that? Everyone else I know loves steak dinners.

I’m starting to wonder if having kids was a big mistake in the first place. I mean, I don’t want to be charged for murder just because I let them play with the radio in the bathtub. I just wanted them to have fun!

So I’m thinking maybe I’ll return the little tykes. Does anyone know if I have to call an adoption agency? Or do I just drop them off at the fire station. Eh, I’m sure I’ll figure it out. I can’t wait to get over this kid stuff and get back to doing things I actually know how to do.