‘Deflategate’ Appeal To Take Up To 4 Million Cumulative Hours Of Humanity’s Time


November 24, 2015 - Universe

According to a recent study, an appeal planned for March on the decision of the controversial NFL ‘Deflategate’ case will take up an immense amount of humanity’s time and attention.

The study suggested that humans will cumulatively spend over four million hours discussing, witnessing, and/or directly participating in the Deflategate appeal.

“Our study suggests that in the time and attention that humanity will focus on the appeal, they could instead build a new Egyptian period or solve the Syrian refugee crisis,” said Dr. Melinda Bates, a co-author of the study.

“Instead, we will rehash many of the same discussions from the original case and debate similarities like whether the new sketch artist is as bad as the first,” she added.

Roger Goodell could not be reached for comment, but to be honest our newspaper didn’t try very hard. Instead, we talked to a man who was wandering around outside of our headquarters.

“I’ve seen a lot of things, like, worse than Vietnam,” he told reporters.

“But you don’t see me getting no Medals of Freedom,” he said.