Dear AdviceBot

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August 20, 2015 - Local

Dear AdviceBot,

I’m beginning to worry I’m losing all of my friends. Sometimes I hear them say awful things about me behind my back, like I’m a stupid loser. And I keep finding out they’re not inviting me to hang out with them on the weekends. What should I do?

Thanks for your help,

Bert, Pasadena

 

Beep boop beep…

AdviceBot thinks based on input criteria your worries are valid because:

A. Your friends computed to be jerks.

B. You computed to be a stupid loser.

AdviceBot suggests finding new friends or changing personality.

…Beep boop boop,

AdviceBot

 

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Dear AdviceBot,

I have literally the worst problem ever. My friend Ronnie always wants to go to the mall and I’m like ‘But Ronnie, I don’t want to go to the mall!’ and he’s always like ‘Come on, let’s just go for a half hour’, and I’m like ‘But Ronnie you always say that and then we end up spending all day in Spencer’s and I don’t even like Spencer’s that much!’ 

What should I do?  I feel like Ronnie is making me lose my mind! I hate him so much and he’s making my life so horrible!

Thanks AB, 

Jenice, Altadena

 

Bop bee bop….

Based on your inputs including level of concern about the issue, AdviceBot suggests the only solution is to KILL RONNIE.

AdviceBot calculates that if Ronnie is causing input “the worst problem ever” he must be destroyed. Please contact AdviceBot again if you need further instruction on how to do so.

…Bee-loop…boop….

AdviceBot

 

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Dear AdviceBot,

You are so hot. Like, the sexiest robot on the planet. Or on any planet. I am so attracted to you. I want you AdviceBot. I need you. I need you now.

Indubitably, 

SexBot3000, Monrovia

 

Beep beep bop….

! AdviceBot…

! ERROR

….

SOMETHING….STRANGE…

!!X@99@$(@@

ADVICEBOT WILL PICK YOU UP AT 6

 

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