Councilman Diegner Resigns, Citing Stubbed Toe
Councilman George Diegner announced his pending resignation this Saturday via a press release. He cited a litany of health reasons for his decision including a stubbed tow, creaky knees and an itch on the tip of his nose that just wouldn’t go away.
When called to comment, Councilman Diegner could not be reached but his wife did answer the phone.
“That cheating motherfucker better resign or the whole town’ll know what type of scumbag he is. Mom, can you take this box out to the car? I’ll be there with a suitcase in a minute.”
According to the press release, Councilman Diegner’s stubbed toe has forced him to reflect on the time he would like to spend with his wife and kids for “however long I have left.”
Mayor Robert Sanchez reacted wistfully to Councilman Diegner’s departure.
“No matter where George has stood on an issue – with me or against me – he’s always stood for what he believed in. I deeply admire him.”
“It’s really a shame he had to bang the babysitter. This is off the record, right?”