Conservative Erotic Bakery Refuses To Serve Gay Couple Extra Large Penis Cake

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September 1, 2015 - Universe

Controversy is surrounding a conservative erotic bakery owner who refused to sell his new ‘extra large penis cake’ to a gay couple.

Desmond Hatfield, owner of Dezzie’s Dirty Desserts on Colorado Boulevard, says he never thought his new cake would attract such attention.

“How was I supposed to know gay folks would want to consume the fattest dick cake in Los Angeles?” he told reporters.

“I slaved over that pastry. I held it, caressed it, forwent multiple sexual encounters with my wife, just to make sure the shape, texture, and taste of the penis were perfect,” he said.

“So I’m not going to let some Jesus offender come by and steal my glorious dick!” he added.

Ronald Higgins and Leroy Janson say they saw an ad for the cake on a freeway and decided they needed to get it for Higgins’ grandmother’s 94th birthday.

“I have never been cake-blocked before. And let me tell you, America. It stings. My nana would have loved such a cake at her birthday party,” he said.

“Also it’s incredibly offensive,” he added.

But Hatfield says he is only following the word of the bible, which he says forbids him from doing business with homosexuals.

“I don’t remember the exact passage, but it was something like, “Thou shalt not sell your penis cakes to those who lie with other men,” he said.

“Besides, I’m not gay. Who told you that anyway? My dog? Dammit Buster!” he added.

Pasadena city officials say they are reviewing the complaint, but in the meantime have offered numerous other penis cakes to the couple. But Janson says the replacements do not make up for the intolerance they suffered.

“Where on earth am I going to find a penis cake that is so grand and beautiful?” he asked reporters.

“Maybe at Jane’s on third?” replied local NBC4 station reporter Stephen Jones.

 

› tags: baked goods / civil rights / lgbt /