Chronic Procrastinator Still Kicking At 107

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May 3, 2016 - Local

According to reports, local procrastinator Jeffrey Duncan has somehow managed to put off death for 107 years on this earth.

“I’ll get around to it,” he told reporters outside his home on Tuesday.

Duncan’s daughter, Sarah, says Jeffrey was given only five years to live when he was diagnosed with Leukemia in 1983. Since, he has managed to put off his prognosis for over two decades.

“It’s kind of a miracle. He stopped taking his medication at one point and has just been playing Madden ‘06 for the last decade,” she added.

“I wish I could attribute his survival to strength and will, but it’s really kind of the opposite,” Sarah said.

Jeffrey says he will get around to taking his medication, and later dying, when the right opportunity comes around.

“Ugh I’m just too tired for all that shit today. Can we do this interview tomorrow?,” he asked.

› tags: death / procrastination /