Budweiser Develops New Ad Campaign to Prevent People from Murdering Each Other After Consuming Budweiser

September 22, 2014

Budweiser has announced a new advertising campaign aimed to prevent people from committing culpable homicide as a result of consuming their product. “We want people to enjoy our product, but also be mindful of the fact that the more they enjoy the more likely it is that they murder themselves or someone else,” said a…

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Editorial: The Greatest Generation Was the Group that Entered Their 50s Around the Year 1320

August 25, 2014

By Jessica Combine, Monrovia  In the great narrative of our own mankind, there is one generation that rises above the rest, in my opinion. One generation that faced immense challenges, yet came together to rise above them with immaculate courage and bold action. That generation was the group of folks that entered their 50s around…

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Weather: Sky to Take a Big Ol’ Shit on Lansing, Michigan

August 6, 2014

Scientists from the National Weather Center in Washington have released a detailed and graphic projection for Wednesday’s weather in Lansing, Michigan. “Beginning at about 7:30 am, we expect the sky to begin to open up and drop some little dumps in the Greater Lansing area,” said Jamel Brown, meteorologist. “By 2:30 pm, residents can expect…

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Study Finds Breakfast Most “Fucktastic” Meal Of The Day

July 28, 2014

A recent study at the University of West Ocean found that breakfast is the most “fucktastic” meal of the day for modern humans. “Our study confirms what we suspected from the beginning. While lunch and dinner provide ample nutritional pleasure, neither meal can match the mouth-watering orgasmic delight of a well-rounded breakfast,” said Dr. Angelo…

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“Really Real Housewives of New Jersey” to Focus Entirely on Sharon Greenblatt, 44, West Orange

July 25, 2014

Bravo, the channel behind hit shows “Real Housewives of Atlanta” and “Real Housewives of New Jersey” announced a spin-off show centered entirely around New Jersey housewife Sharon Greenblatt. The show is expected to highlight the 44 year old’s home life as a mother of three, and her role as treasurer of Beth Shalom synagogue. “I’m…

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Opinion: The Joint Strike Fighter Program Is One Of Several Ways To Spend One Trillion Dollars

July 21, 2014

By  Jimmy Scaganelli, Pasadena I believe in our troops and the American military just as much as the next guy, but it seems to me that there are times that taxpayer money could be spent in more useful places.  Our joint strike fighter program is going to cost 1 trillion dollars. You have to wonder…

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POP CULTURE BLOG: Sean Paul Says First Word

July 13, 2014

BETHLEHEM, PA –Give it up to Sean Paul! Sources from the Paul household in Bethlehem, PA have reported that the 41-year-old recording artist has finally said his first word. A person close to the family told The Pasadenoid that Paul, who has not said a single word since his birth in 1973, finally spilled the…

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Study: Pretending to Have Psychosis Leads to Symptoms of Psychosis

July 7, 2014

Researchers at the University of East Pasadena have completed a groundbreaking study on symptoms of psychosis. Following a multi-million dollar research initiative that lasted 4 years, researchers found that those who pretended to have psychosis displayed features of psychosis in a followup examination. “We found that participants who pretended to hear voices in their head,…

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Space: Asteroid Goes Whoosh! Zing! Kablam!

June 17, 2014

Breaking news from outer space- According to a team of astronomers and physicists, an asteroid has spun through a segment of the Andromeda galaxy and collided with a large fragment of a former moon, looking totally insane and making crazy noises in the process. “Whizzzz! Zeeeew, zing!” went the asteroid as it soared past thousands…

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SPONSORED: Try Our New Belmont Steaks Special!

June 13, 2014

Come on down to Outback Steakhouse in downtown Pasadena for our new Belmont Steaks Special! Saddle up on the finest cuts of meat from all ten losing horses, grilled to perfection. And for a limited time only, get one California Cronut for free with the purchase of a bloomin onion. Take a bite of history…

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