Future Clickbait: Scientists just announced artificial intelligence has supercharged itself. That’s a big deal. Here’s why.

June 7, 2015

From a 2067 Issue of The Pasadenoid. The very last issue ever written. Yesterday, scientists announced the discovery of the first supercharged artificial intelligence many millions of times smarter than human beings. And it’s going to Change. Literally. Everything. Yes, I know I said that when Kim Kardashian got an ass reduction. Yes, I know I said…

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Editorial: See That Basketball Player There? That’s My Nephew!

June 7, 2015

by Reuben Waldenstein, Monrovia  Hey! Hey everyone! Come here, quick! Take a look at the television set. See that basketball player right there? The one on the left side of the screen? That’s my nephew, Herbert! Isn’t that something? My own nephew playing basketball on the television! I remember when he was a kid practicing on…

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Feminists Need To Stop Belittling The Male Gays

May 27, 2015

By Jeff Litella There’s been a vicious homophobia growing in our culture and the perpetrator is the group you’d least expect. Feminists. You’d think being a victim of patriarchy would make them more compassionate but radical feminists are waging a cruel word-war against homosexuals for reasons that I cannot understand. Here are a few quotes…

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SEO Dumping Ground

May 27, 2015

Dear Readers, Due to the relentless and humiliating demands of our senior management, in lieu of our usual reporting today’s post will be a random hodge-podge of search engine-friendly terms so we can shamelessly direct traffic to our website. Thank you for your understanding in this matter. On a day like today, I’m sure many…

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Report: Writer’s Minimum Wage To Triple To $0 Per Hour

May 26, 2015

According to several reports, the U.S. Congress voted to raise the minimum wage for writers across the nation by a whopping 300% on Tuesday. The ruling means that anyone who works as a writer for a commercial magazine, newspaper, blog, or similar platform must be paid at least $0 per hour for their work. “We found in the…

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SPONSORED: Nation Joins Together In Unity To Demand Stylish Toothbrush That Won’t Stretch Their Budgets

May 24, 2015

According to sources*, the American public has finally joined hands in harmonious unity, passion, and love over the demand for a stylish toothbrush that doesn’t stretch their budget. The revelation comes on the heels of increased concern over not looking and feeling fantastic and fresh after brushing. “My life would be complete if I had…

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#TBT Historical ClickBait No, Actually Lincoln’s Gettysburg Speech Insulted The Troops. Here’s How.

May 19, 2015

From the November 21, 1863 Edition of The Pasadenoid Abe Lincoln’s speech Thursday is already being hailed as another “eloquent” “triumph” by the Merry Band of Commander-In-Thief psycophants. I’ll admit Abe is eloquent. Actually that’s part of the problem; Lincoln uses his eloquence to cover up for his vacuity and, in the case of the…

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Editorial: Technological Progress Has Improved My Life In A Number Of Ways

May 18, 2015

By Elisa Johnson, Pasadena We live in an amazing age! Advances in science and technology are having astounding effects on the way people like us go about our daily lives! For me, technological progress has improved my life in a number of ways. For one, I don’t have to work as hard. Well, actually, I…

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Opinion: Mormonism Is Downright Spooky, Even Compared To Scientology

May 7, 2015

By Jeff Bagsworth, South Pasadena  I recently watched an eye-opening documentary Going Clear about the abusive practices of the religious cult Scientology. While the revelations in Going Clear are shocking, they are nothing compared to a far-more widespread and heinous cult. The Church of Latter Day Saints. The similarities between Mormonism and Scientology are astounding….

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Disturbing New Toyota Ad Touts Truck’s Use By ISIS

April 15, 2015

Toyota is under fire for a bizarre new ad that seems to boast and possibly be aimed toward Islamic State militants. Emulating Ford car commercials, the ad for the pickup Toyota Hilux begins with an array of patriotic United States imagery. A waving American flag. Attractive women in bikinis holding cans of beer. Blue collar…

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