The Pasadenoid has confirmed that the Make-A-Wish foundation is conducting military exercises in the Mojave desert under the orders of a wicked and terminally ill toddler. Reports suggest the foundation is acting under the direction of Tamara Hoffman, 9, of Santa Fe, New Mexico. Hoffman has a severe form of melanoma and was selected by the…

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The FBI raided Salon.com headquarters Friday morning, liberating hundreds of unpaid foreign-born slave children who were forced to write mindless thinkpieces for Salon.com’s content factory. The stunning and heartbreaking scene was mitigated only by the joy of the small children finally released after years of taking annoying contrarian views against their will in predictable stream-of-consciousness posts…

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Following the monumental decision by the Supreme Court to allow gays the right to marry in any U.S. State, you might expect leaders in the Christian faith to break out their usual arguments about the bible and traditional families. But that is not the case for Jeffrey Probst, high priest at Church of The Seven…

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Fighting a backlash against overt racism and terroristic conspiracy-oriented racial hatemongering, the Ku Klux Klan revealed a new tshirt campaign today with the slogan “This Is What A White Supremacist Looks Like.” Klan spokesman Duke Jones said that the campaign is an effort to show people the vast diversity of the white supremacy subculture. “We…

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by Ned Campbell, local congressman The Catholic Church has done wonderful things for our society and the conservative movement. They’ve brought important ethics into our communities like love, tolerance, sexual obligations, and a strong distrust of anyone who is different from us. But now that the Pope is coming out declaring climate change is a significant…

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Leaders from the League Of Racist Firefighters And Other Intolerant Emergency Responders (LORFAOIER) have come out to demand more national attention to their cause. They say recent focus on racism within police forces have distracted the public from noticing their own transgressions. “Every day, firefighters, EMS workers, dispatch operators, and paramedics are regularly engaged in horrible, intolerant…

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The star of a viral video who took a photo of himself every day for 20 years has asked that reporters stop writing articles on the subject. John Hayden Tuttle, who took the photos of himself and uploaded a time-lapse video to Youtube, says he had no idea the video would go viral. “I did…

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According to scientists at Louisiana State University, a groundbreaking study failed to show a link between eating squid and higher intelligence because of issues with the study’s design and execution. Larry Davies, a professor of health sciences at the university, says the study could have had impressive results. “This study, which we thought would be…

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