Universe | The Pasadenoid

White House Pop Culture Summit

May 16, 2018

DT: Welcome. I’m so glad you were all able to make it. You are some of the biggest influencers in popular culture. And together we can help MAGA go mainstream. KW: Excuse me, did you just say “mainstream”? DT: Yes. KW: You realize when you say that. YOU ARE LIMITING MY FREE THOUGHT. DT: Umm…sorry?…

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Eye On Your Money: How The GOP Tax Plan Will Affect You If You’re Not In Plastics Or Pharmaceuticals

November 19, 2017

You’re screwed.

Letter to the Editor: Why Does the Number of Days in Each Month Keep Changing?

November 12, 2017

by Clyde Johnson, Monrovia That’s it, I give up already! Just this morning my wife asked me if we could visit her parents in La Jolla at the end of next month. “What day is that?” I asked. She started to say something unhelpful, I’m sure, but I had had it up to here with…

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Editorial: Having Read A Few Sentences In The Wikipedia Article On Sexual Assault I Can No Longer Support Roy Moore

November 10, 2017

by Mike Lee, U.S. Senator from Utah My fellow Americans, I am horrified. Following the allegations against senate candidate Roy Moore, I decided it was time for me to do a little reading on sexual assault. I browsed the first few lines of the Wikipedia article on sexual assault and I did not like what…

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Retrospective: Beards Of Bees Through The Ages

October 6, 2017

Editorial: What We’re Really Missing Is Wayne Gretzky’s Take On These Cultural And Political Issues

October 1, 2017

by Jim Horace, Pasadena resident and longtime Rangers fan There are a lot of people speaking out on issues related to race, police brutality, and other important political issues. I think that’s great. But there’s one voice that so far has provided little to no commentary on these issues. One voice that is desperately needed to…

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So Trump Has Declared Himself Emperor. Does Anyone Really Care?

September 10, 2017

By Hugh Lavishly, Monrovia Here we go again. Trump is in the news for saying something “controversial.” This time he says he would prefer to be an emperor than a president. Of course the mainstream media has turned this into the next big controversy, claiming it spells gloom and doom for the concept of democracy…

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Report: John McCain To Take Short Break From Stroking Chin And Muttering “This Is Troubling”

July 3, 2017

According to sources on John McCain’s staff, the Senator will take a short break this afternoon from stroking his chin and muttering “this is troubling.” “This is troubling,” he said when approached by The Pasadenoid for a comment. Several McCain staffers told our newspaper they are becoming concerned that the Senator is losing touch with…

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Leaked: The Comey Memos

June 4, 2017

The Pasadenoid has obtained leaked memos from Comey’s personal file on his dealings with Donald Trump. We chose to publish them in hopes it would make us rich: 1.12.07 Omg! Tonight was the most embarrassing night ever! So I had to go to this stupid White House thing, which I didn’t want to go to at…

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Editorial: I’m Back!

March 18, 2017

by Hillary Clinton Hey guys! Look over here! It’s me, Hillary Clinton! You know, that lady you all love! I took some time off after a rough fall (which will not be discussed, ever), but now I’m feeling much cheerier and am ready to return to the limelight. Yes that’s right…I’m back! And I’m ready to fight. I…

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