Uncategorized | The Pasadenoid

Phone Scammer Who Made Local News Kind Of Impressed With Himself

January 28, 2017

According to sources, a man responsible for a series of phone scams targeting senior citizens in Pasadena has become impressed with himself after his scam was covered by the local news. “Wow. I always thought I was a good scammer, but I didn’t realize I was quite at this level,” he told The Pasadenoid. “They’re doing…

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Editorial: Top 5 Spookiest Places In Pasadena

October 30, 2016

by Frank Smalls, Pasadena 5. My ex-wife’s car God did she keep this thing dirty. Yuck! Go in there and you’re bound to be scared off by things like hair, lint, and old Starbursts. Stay away! 4. My ex-wife’s shoe closet This place was even more disgusting! You’ll be spooked out by the giant spiders…

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Health Officials Warn Pasadena Residents They Smell Terrible

October 30, 2016

Pasadena city health officials have issued a memo to residents warning them they smell terrible and should consider doing something to fix it. “We don’t know what the hell you people have been eating,” the memo read. “But whatever it was please stay away from it while we work to restore our air quality. And…

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Editorial: Men Don’t Rape Women, Locker Rooms Do

October 10, 2016

By Clive Lewis, Altadena It seems like everyone is offering their opinion on the latest Trump comments. And since I’m an asshole with a computer, it’s my turn to share my thoughts with you. So here it is: Men don’t rape women, locker rooms do. That’s right, I said it. And it is a fact…

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KING: Uh Oh I Pee-Peed In My Nice Pants

September 28, 2016

by Shane King, news colunmist Uh oh. I think…oh no. I went peepee in my pants. My nice fancy pants. The one mommy bought for me so I can look fancy at work. Ick, it’s all wet and warm. Ewwwww. I don’t like it. Mommy is gonna be mad at me. She is going to say,…

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Job Board: September

September 4, 2016

Egg-Zecutive Of Marketing We are one of the largest egg suppliers in the world and looking for someone to fill this egg-citing role. Knowledge of egg-related puns a must. This is the real title. Someone To Actually Do The Job We are an office filled with people who don’t actually do anything. We don’t even…

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Local Rent-A-Cop Neglects to Correct People Who Call Him “Officer”

August 14, 2016

According to sources, local security guard David Jones does not bother to correct people who refer to him as an officer. “Look, I’m not going to go out of my way to prove someone wrong,” he told The Pasadenoid. “If they think I hold some position of authority who am I to correct them?” he asked….

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Resident Spotlight: Denny Leon, Ice Cream Man

May 29, 2016

For this week’s installment of our resident spotlight, we spoke to local ice cream man Denny Leon. The Pasadenoid: Thanks so much for being with us. So let’s start from the beginning. What got you first interested in selling ice cream? Denny: I don’t know man. I need money, you know? The Pasadenoid: Well is…

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Top 5 Places In Pasadena To Give Up On Everything, Forever

May 20, 2016

5. Pasadena City Dump Here you can toss all the testaments to those things you tried so hard to save…your marriage, your writing career, your sobriety, your kids. Dump ‘em all here! Fuck it! 4. Echo Mountain When you reach the top of this beautiful hike you’ll see the ruins of the Mount Lower Railway,…

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Area Dickhead Has It All Figured Out

April 1, 2016

According to reports, local dickhead James Wilson has it all figured out. “Oh I used to care about politics, ” he told coworker Betsy Davis after she asked him if he was voting. “But then I realized it’s just boring and stupid. When I hear people talking about voting and stuff I’m just like ‘Wow,…

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