Local | The Pasadenoid

Resident Spotlight: Bill Samuels, Accountant

February 4, 2017

The Pasadenoid: So, you’re an accountant, huh? Bill Samuels Yep. The Pasadenoid Ok…yikes this is so boring already. Bill Samuels Why did you even invite me to do this in the first place? The Pasadenoid I don’t know. We were probably high. Is there anything about your life that is remotely interesting at all? Bill…

Read more →

Editorial: If Only Photoshop Were Real

January 27, 2017

by Daniel Gregg, Altadena If only. If only it were real. That the images expressed in this mystical Adobe program could reflect a reality as true as our own. If only it were a mirror, without the contorted twists, the disfigurement of the realm of fantasy. Alas! It is not so. This Photoshop image is…

Read more →

Only Thing Stopping Man From Becoming Professional Surfer Is Debilitating Fear Of Crabs

January 24, 2017

According to sources, the only thing preventing Jason Walker of South Pasadena from becoming a professional surfer is a traumatizing fear of crabs and other crab-like creatures. “Aaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!” he shouted when we asked for his opinion on crabs. Jason’s wife Susanita says it’s a pity her husband’s talents are going to waste. “I’ve seen him…

Read more →

Editorial: Is This Love?

January 13, 2017

by Raymont Jeffries, South Pasadena Hey guys, I have a question for you. I’ve been dealing with this…issue…and I’m trying to figure out if it’s love or something else? I have a weird fuzzy feeling in the bottom of my stomach. It feels kind of good but sometimes it feels scary. I also have been…

Read more →

Town Dunce Killed By Hit-And-Run Driver

January 10, 2017

According to Pasadena Police officials, town dunce Jeffrey Skiggs was killed early this morning after he was struck by a vehicle on the 710 freeway extension. Witnesses say Skiggs was performing a silly dance for onlookers on the shoulder of the southbound side of the highway when he was clipped by a red Durango driving…

Read more →

Editorial: The Health Department Needs To Step Aside And Let Lola’s Tacos Do What They Do Best

January 5, 2017

by Art Maddock, Pasadena Enough of this nonsense! The City Health Department has unleashed a scourge of terror against one of Pasadena’s most beloved institutions- Lola’s Tacos. It began with an unannounced inspection that yielded a ‘D’ rating from the department. It has now culminated with the mandatory closure of Lola’s for two weeks or…

Read more →

The Pasadenoid’s Top 5 Floats In This Year’s Rose Parade

January 3, 2017

5. Pasadena Plumber’s Union “A Salute To Nozzles” The Plumber’s Union went all out for this year’s float, which featured different kinds of nozzles from around the globe. Red ones, green ones, yes even curly little red ones. Who knew nozzles played such an important role in our lives? 4. Honda “Never Say Never” Re-education…

Read more →

5 Things I Wish I Knew In My 20s

December 18, 2016

by Jeffrey Dodd, Altadena 5. Teeth don’t last forever Boy, if only I had known what happens to people who drink 46 ounces of Gatorade every day. I would have savored those fine chomps during my young adulthood a wee bit more. 4. I’m not allergic to peaches God that would have been good to…

Read more →

Editorial: I Used To Think I Knew About Racism. Then I Had A Brain Injury. But Then I Read A Book About Racism.

December 15, 2016

by Brad George, Altadena Even though I’m a white male, I used to think I knew a lot about racism. I thought the world was unjust and people like me had advantages that others don’t. But then I was in a scuba accident in which I suffered a brain injury. Suddenly, everything I thought I knew…

Read more →

Drug Addict To Lay Low For A While

December 7, 2016

Speaking to a group of reporters, local drug addict Rex Armstead announced her intentions to stay out of the public eye for a while. “I think it’s right about time to step into the shadows for a little while,” he announced. Armstead says after the last few years of trying rehabilitation nd reconnecting with his…

Read more →