Local | The Pasadenoid

Town Dunce Killed By Hit-And-Run Driver

January 10, 2017

According to Pasadena Police officials, town dunce Jeffrey Skiggs was killed early this morning after he was struck by a vehicle on the 710 freeway extension. Witnesses say Skiggs was performing a silly dance for onlookers on the shoulder of the southbound side of the highway when he was clipped by a red Durango driving…

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Editorial: The Health Department Needs To Step Aside And Let Lola’s Tacos Do What They Do Best

January 5, 2017

by Art Maddock, Pasadena Enough of this nonsense! The City Health Department has unleashed a scourge of terror against one of Pasadena’s most beloved institutions- Lola’s Tacos. It began with an unannounced inspection that yielded a ‘D’ rating from the department. It has now culminated with the mandatory closure of Lola’s for two weeks or…

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The Pasadenoid’s Top 5 Floats In This Year’s Rose Parade

January 3, 2017

5. Pasadena Plumber’s Union “A Salute To Nozzles” The Plumber’s Union went all out for this year’s float, which featured different kinds of nozzles from around the globe. Red ones, green ones, yes even curly little red ones. Who knew nozzles played such an important role in our lives? 4. Honda “Never Say Never” Re-education…

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5 Things I Wish I Knew In My 20s

December 18, 2016

by Jeffrey Dodd, Altadena 5. Teeth don’t last forever Boy, if only I had known what happens to people who drink 46 ounces of Gatorade every day. I would have savored those fine chomps during my young adulthood a wee bit more. 4. I’m not allergic to peaches God that would have been good to…

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Editorial: I Used To Think I Knew About Racism. Then I Had A Brain Injury. But Then I Read A Book About Racism.

December 15, 2016

by Brad George, Altadena Even though I’m a white male, I used to think I knew a lot about racism. I thought the world was unjust and people like me had advantages that others don’t. But then I was in a scuba accident in which I suffered a brain injury. Suddenly, everything I thought I knew…

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Drug Addict To Lay Low For A While

December 7, 2016

Speaking to a group of reporters, local drug addict Rex Armstead announced her intentions to stay out of the public eye for a while. “I think it’s right about time to step into the shadows for a little while,” he announced. Armstead says after the last few years of trying rehabilitation nd reconnecting with his…

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Editorial: I May Not Be A White Supremacist But It Sure Looks Like I Married One

December 4, 2016

by Elton Jeffrey, Pasadena Whoopsy-daisy. I may have gotten myself into a teeny bit of trouble here. You see, I’m no racist, not by any means, but it’s starting to look like my wife is. In fact, it’s starting to look like she’s some sort of white supremacist. Yuh oh! This is awkward. How could…

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Editorial: Can’t A Guy Spend A Few Days In A Ravine Without His Family Calling Search And Rescue?

November 30, 2016

by Lloyd Hermann, South Pasadena Well, consarnit. Here we go again. The calvary has arrived! L.A. County Search And Rescue here to save the day and rescue me from this wonderfully comfortable ravine I have made my home in for the past few days. Thank goodness for these heroes! Fooey. Those damn kids of mine…

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Job Board: November

November 6, 2016

Turkish Guy Ok, I can’t explain the whole situation right now but basically my girlfriend needs to think I have a wealthy Turkish friend. Must be at least 6’6 and have a mustache that goes down to the floor. THANKS! Coach Hi there. Coach fell out his truck and got all dead, so we need…

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The Pasadenoid Guide To Local Ballot Measures

November 6, 2016

Prop 46 – “Help Save Puppies” Act Pros: Seems like it would help save puppies somehow? Cons: The bill, apparently sponsored by billionaire Art Barton, is actually designed to require all new building permits to be sent to his office for approval first. There doesn’t seem to be anything about puppies in the bill. The…

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