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5 Things I Wish I Knew In My 20s

December 18, 2016

by Jeffrey Dodd, Altadena 5. Teeth don’t last forever Boy, if only I had known what happens to people who drink 46 ounces of Gatorade every day. I would have savored  those fine chomps during my young adulthood a wee bit more. 4. I’m not allergic to peaches  God that would have been good to…

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Editorial: I Used To Think I Knew About Racism. Then I Had A Brain Injury. But Then I Read A Book About Racism.

December 15, 2016

by Brad George, Altadena Even though I’m a white male, I used to think I knew a lot about racism. I thought the world was unjust and people like me had advantages that others don’t. But then I was in a scuba accident in which I suffered a brain injury. Suddenly, everything I thought I knew…

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Drug Addict To Lay Low For A While

December 7, 2016

Speaking to a group of reporters, local drug addict Rex Armstead announced her intentions to stay out of the public eye for a while. “I think it’s right about time to step into the shadows for a little while,” he announced. Armstead says after the last few years of trying rehabilitation nd reconnecting with his…

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Editorial: I May Not Be A White Supremacist But It Sure Looks Like I Married One

December 4, 2016

by Elton Jeffrey, Pasadena Whoopsy-daisy. I may have gotten myself into a teeny bit of trouble here. You see, I’m no racist, not by any means, but it’s starting to look like my wife is. In fact, it’s starting to look like she’s some sort of white supremacist. Yuh oh! This is awkward. How could…

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Editorial: Can’t A Guy Spend A Few Days In A Ravine Without His Family Calling Search And Rescue?

November 30, 2016

by Lloyd Hermann, South Pasadena Well, consarnit. Here we go again. The calvary has arrived! L.A. County Search And Rescue here to save the day and rescue me from this wonderfully comfortable ravine I have made my home in for the past few days. Thank goodness for these heroes! Fooey. Those damn kids of mine…

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Job Board: November

November 6, 2016

Turkish Guy Ok, I can’t explain the whole situation right now but basically my girlfriend needs to think I have a wealthy Turkish friend. Must be at least 6’6 and have a mustache that goes down to the floor. THANKS! Coach Hi there. Coach fell out his truck and got all dead, so we need…

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The Pasadenoid Guide To Local Ballot Measures

November 6, 2016

Prop 46 – “Help Save Puppies” Act Pros: Seems like it would help save puppies somehow? Cons: The bill, apparently sponsored by billionaire Art Barton, is actually designed to require all new building permits to be sent to his office for approval first. There doesn’t seem to be anything about puppies in the bill. The…

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Editorial: Top 5 Spookiest Places In Pasadena

October 30, 2016

by Frank Smalls, Pasadena 5. My ex-wife’s car God did she keep this thing dirty. Yuck! Go in there and you’re bound to be scared off by things like hair, lint, and old Starbursts. Stay away! 4. My ex-wife’s shoe closet This place was even more disgusting! You’ll be spooked out by the giant spiders…

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Source: Local Man James Hanson Is A Handsome Guy With A Great Personality

October 19, 2016

According to a source close to the situation, The Pasadenoid can confirm James Hanson is a good-looking guy with a great personality. The source, who requested to remain anonymous but is nonetheless qualified to speak on the issue, also says James would be phenomenal to go on a date with. “Jim has a great sense of humor…

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Top 5 Places In Pasadena To Meet An Arch-Nemesis

October 17, 2016

5. Tito’s Torteria  In this dimly lit Mexicatessen, you’ll find a number of grizzled vagabonds and seafarers who are just waiting to find someone to duel with. 4. Barney’s Beanery This place is filled with assholes. 3. Pasadena Church of Scientology Why not have your nemesis be a Scientologist? An alien/religious component to your rivalry could really…

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