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Editorial: The High School Intern Shadowing Me At City Hall Needs To Be Stopped

March 12, 2017

by Jim McGrath, city council  Ok I’ve had just about enough! This internship has turned from a teaching experience into some sort of charade in which my intellect and qualifications are constantly in question. Take the other day. I was in my office, having a nice brandy. When my intern has the audacity to ask,…

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Local Man Eats Burritos For All Three Meals

March 5, 2017

According to sources, Pasadena resident Brian Davis regularly consumes burritos for every meal in a day. “I like to start off with a breakfast burrito from Lupita’s or Taco Stop. The former has a delicious green chili sauce that goes great with the eggs,” he told The Pasadenoid. Following his breakfast, Davis will usually travel to…

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11-Year-Old Walking Across America To Prove He’s A Cocky Little Shit

March 3, 2017

By Jim Daniels, Altadena.  An eleven-year-old boy from Tucson, Arizona in on a mission to walk across the country. Why? He says it’s for Crohn’s disease awareness. But we all know it’s actually because he’s a cocky little shit who wants to prove he’s better than everyone else. I mean, let’s be honest. If you…

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Resident Spotlight: Bill Samuels, Accountant

February 4, 2017

The Pasadenoid: So, you’re an accountant, huh? Bill Samuels Yep. The Pasadenoid Ok…yikes this is so boring already. Bill Samuels  Why did you even invite me to do this in the first place? The Pasadenoid I don’t know. We were probably high. Is there anything about your life that is remotely interesting at all? Bill…

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Editorial: If Only Photoshop Were Real

January 27, 2017

by Daniel Gregg, Altadena If only. If only it were real. That the images expressed in this mystical Adobe program could reflect a reality as true as our own. If only it were a mirror, without the contorted twists, the disfigurement of the realm of fantasy. Alas! It is not so. This Photoshop image is…

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Only Thing Stopping Man From Becoming Professional Surfer Is Debilitating Fear Of Crabs

January 24, 2017

According to sources, the only thing preventing Jason Walker of South Pasadena from becoming a professional surfer is a traumatizing fear of crabs and other crab-like creatures. “Aaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!” he shouted when we asked for his opinion on crabs. Jason’s wife Susanita says it’s a pity her husband’s talents are going to waste. “I’ve seen him…

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Editorial: Is This Love?

January 13, 2017

by Raymont Jeffries, South Pasadena  Hey guys, I have a question for you. I’ve been dealing with this…issue…and I’m trying to figure out if it’s love or something else? I have a weird fuzzy feeling in the bottom of my stomach. It feels kind of good but sometimes it feels scary. I also have been…

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Town Dunce Killed By Hit-And-Run Driver

January 10, 2017

According to Pasadena Police officials, town dunce Jeffrey Skiggs was killed early this morning after he was struck by a vehicle on the 710 freeway extension. Witnesses say Skiggs was performing a silly dance for onlookers on the shoulder of the southbound side of the highway when he was clipped by a red Durango driving…

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Editorial: The Health Department Needs To Step Aside And Let Lola’s Tacos Do What They Do Best

January 5, 2017

by Art Maddock, Pasadena Enough of this nonsense! The City Health Department has unleashed a scourge of terror against one of Pasadena’s most beloved institutions- Lola’s Tacos. It began with an unannounced inspection that yielded a ‘D’ rating from the department. It has now culminated with the mandatory closure of Lola’s for two weeks or…

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The Pasadenoid’s Top 5 Floats In This Year’s Rose Parade

January 3, 2017

5. Pasadena Plumber’s Union “A Salute To Nozzles”  The Plumber’s Union went all out for this year’s float, which featured different kinds of nozzles from around the globe. Red ones, green ones, yes even curly little red ones. Who knew nozzles played such an important role in our lives? 4. Honda “Never Say Never” Re-education…

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