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Local Man Determined To Help Ed Werder Find New Job For Some Reason

April 27, 2017

Despite having no personal relationship with the man, a local resident is going out of his way to help recently unemployed NFL reporter Ed Werder. Werder had been a veteran for ESPN for years before being fired in a series of layoffs conducted by the organization this week. And now Pasadena resident Jim Sellers says…

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I Think I’ve Got My Swagger Back!

April 22, 2017

by Maggie Davis, Altadena Well hi ho! Would you look at me? I’m doing quite well! In good spirits! On the up and up! You might even say I have my “swagger” back! Yes, all my affairs are coming together quite nicely. I had hit a rough patch there for a while, and things were looking…

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New Soda Tax Won’t Apply To Mr. Pibb After Aggressive Lobbying Campaign

March 26, 2017

According to information obtained by The Pasadenoid, Pasadena’s new city-wide soda tax will apply to every brand of cola except for Mr. Pibb after an aggressive lobbying campaign. “Master Pibb will not allow sales to drop,” said his spokesperson, a giant cherry. “Yes, he would be none too pleased. That’s why he had to do some…

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Editorial: The High School Intern Shadowing Me At City Hall Needs To Be Stopped

March 12, 2017

by Jim McGrath, city council  Ok I’ve had just about enough! This internship has turned from a teaching experience into some sort of charade in which my intellect and qualifications are constantly in question. Take the other day. I was in my office, having a nice brandy. When my intern has the audacity to ask,…

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Local Man Eats Burritos For All Three Meals

March 5, 2017

According to sources, Pasadena resident Brian Davis regularly consumes burritos for every meal in a day. “I like to start off with a breakfast burrito from Lupita’s or Taco Stop. The former has a delicious green chili sauce that goes great with the eggs,” he told The Pasadenoid. Following his breakfast, Davis will usually travel to…

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11-Year-Old Walking Across America To Prove He’s A Cocky Little Shit

March 3, 2017

By Jim Daniels, Altadena.  An eleven-year-old boy from Tucson, Arizona in on a mission to walk across the country. Why? He says it’s for Crohn’s disease awareness. But we all know it’s actually because he’s a cocky little shit who wants to prove he’s better than everyone else. I mean, let’s be honest. If you…

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Resident Spotlight: Bill Samuels, Accountant

February 4, 2017

The Pasadenoid: So, you’re an accountant, huh? Bill Samuels Yep. The Pasadenoid Ok…yikes this is so boring already. Bill Samuels  Why did you even invite me to do this in the first place? The Pasadenoid I don’t know. We were probably high. Is there anything about your life that is remotely interesting at all? Bill…

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Editorial: If Only Photoshop Were Real

January 27, 2017

by Daniel Gregg, Altadena If only. If only it were real. That the images expressed in this mystical Adobe program could reflect a reality as true as our own. If only it were a mirror, without the contorted twists, the disfigurement of the realm of fantasy. Alas! It is not so. This Photoshop image is…

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Only Thing Stopping Man From Becoming Professional Surfer Is Debilitating Fear Of Crabs

January 24, 2017

According to sources, the only thing preventing Jason Walker of South Pasadena from becoming a professional surfer is a traumatizing fear of crabs and other crab-like creatures. “Aaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!” he shouted when we asked for his opinion on crabs. Jason’s wife Susanita says it’s a pity her husband’s talents are going to waste. “I’ve seen him…

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Editorial: Is This Love?

January 13, 2017

by Raymont Jeffries, South Pasadena  Hey guys, I have a question for you. I’ve been dealing with this…issue…and I’m trying to figure out if it’s love or something else? I have a weird fuzzy feeling in the bottom of my stomach. It feels kind of good but sometimes it feels scary. I also have been…

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