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Due To Budget Cuts, Kids To Be Educated Using ‘The Facts Of Life’ DVDs

October 24, 2017

by Rod Spencer, School Board President Dear Townspeople, Over the last 6 years, I have worked hard on the Pasadena Unified School District board in order to ensure all of the children in our town receive a quality education. This has proven to be a very difficult task, especially when considering funding to our schools…

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Editorial: Mom! Dad! Can Stephen Spielberg Tuck Me In Tonight?

October 22, 2017

by Lee Smith, Altadena Mom! Dad! I want to go to bed! Can someone tuck me in right now?! No! Not mommy! No! Not daddy! I want Stephen Spielberg to tuck me in! Sorry, but I just sleep better when America’s most perfect filmmaker puts me to bed. I love you both, but you just…

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Editorial: Some Thoughts On Our Nation

September 22, 2017

by Ethan Schillinger, Pasadena Some people think America is on its last legs because it elected an egomaniac who is also racist and dumb. They think this is like when grandpas start babbling before we send them to the farm. That might be true but it might not be. America is 241 years old, but…

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Editorial: John, I Think You Should Get That Rash Checked Out

May 20, 2017

by Lorenne Davis, Altadena Hey John! Listen. I know you’re reading this. You’ve been ignoring my calls (and I don’t blame you for that), so I had to write a letter in your favorite local humor magazine to get this message across: I think you really need to get that rash on your upper thigh…

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Local Man Determined To Help Ed Werder Find New Job For Some Reason

April 27, 2017

Despite having no personal relationship with the man, a local resident is going out of his way to help recently unemployed NFL reporter Ed Werder. Werder had been a veteran for ESPN for years before being fired in a series of layoffs conducted by the organization this week. And now Pasadena resident Jim Sellers says…

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I Think I’ve Got My Swagger Back!

April 22, 2017

by Maggie Davis, Altadena Well hi ho! Would you look at me? I’m doing quite well! In good spirits! On the up and up! You might even say I have my “swagger” back! Yes, all my affairs are coming together quite nicely. I had hit a rough patch there for a while, and things were looking…

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New Soda Tax Won’t Apply To Mr. Pibb After Aggressive Lobbying Campaign

March 26, 2017

According to information obtained by The Pasadenoid, Pasadena’s new city-wide soda tax will apply to every brand of cola except for Mr. Pibb after an aggressive lobbying campaign. “Master Pibb will not allow sales to drop,” said his spokesperson, a giant cherry. “Yes, he would be none too pleased. That’s why he had to do some…

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Editorial: The High School Intern Shadowing Me At City Hall Needs To Be Stopped

March 12, 2017

by Jim McGrath, city council  Ok I’ve had just about enough! This internship has turned from a teaching experience into some sort of charade in which my intellect and qualifications are constantly in question. Take the other day. I was in my office, having a nice brandy. When my intern has the audacity to ask,…

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Local Man Eats Burritos For All Three Meals

March 5, 2017

According to sources, Pasadena resident Brian Davis regularly consumes burritos for every meal in a day. “I like to start off with a breakfast burrito from Lupita’s or Taco Stop. The former has a delicious green chili sauce that goes great with the eggs,” he told The Pasadenoid. Following his breakfast, Davis will usually travel to…

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11-Year-Old Walking Across America To Prove He’s A Cocky Little Shit

March 3, 2017

By Jim Daniels, Altadena.  An eleven-year-old boy from Tucson, Arizona in on a mission to walk across the country. Why? He says it’s for Crohn’s disease awareness. But we all know it’s actually because he’s a cocky little shit who wants to prove he’s better than everyone else. I mean, let’s be honest. If you…

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