Cal Tech President- Noises And Shaking Coming From Secret Underground Lab Nothing To Worry About

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May 20, 2015 - Local / Uncategorized

The President of California Technical Institute issued a letter to concerned citizens after numerous rumbling noises and shaking have been reported coming from a secretive underground lab on the campus.

“We can assure you, the public has nothing to worry about. We are doing sound science in order to progress mankind,” he wrote in the letter.

“If anything, it will be a good thing. Probably, a good thing, yes. I mean, if it’s in the right hands of course. But obviously the implications are terrifying and keep me up at night,” the letter reads.

Resident Lawrence Potter says regardless of the science, it isn’t right to impose on the peace of the neighborhood.

“As a fully grown man who enjoys playing with marbles, I find the experience to be upsetting,” he said in an exclusive one-on-one with The Pasadenoid (More of Potter’s interview will be released as a three-hour feature next week).

Local officials say they have taken reports from the public on the issue, but feel the situation is under control. Police chief Riley Dickens told The Pasadenoid police are trained exactly for this type of incident.

“The community has nothing to worry about. This is a classic code 623M – confusing situation in which a party gives you a large sum of money and the FBI takes control of the situation. We know exactly how to handle these and are confident we can get the job done.”

In the meantime, residents like Potter will just have to hope their marbles end up rolling in the right direction.

Editor’s note: This article and accompanying 3-hour feature was nominated for an Edward R. Murrow Award for Journalistic Excellence And Integrity