Brimley Brothers Return To Town, Swindle Residents Out Of Thousands

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September 21, 2015 - Local

According to local reports, the no-good two-timing Brimley Brothers have returned to the Pasadena area and have set up a new scam to profit off the ignorance of the townspeople.

Residents say the pair have set up a tonic booth in Old Pasadena and claim to sell miracle elixirs to “mend the troubles of the modern age.”

“Tonic here! Get your modern woes tonic here!” Jay Brimley shouted to a gathering crowd.”

“We can fix whatever ails you. Problems with law enforcement? Try our Police Brutality tonic. Will cure your pepper-spray eye right up!” he yelled.

“Or try our Financial Solvency tonic. Say goodbye to loan sharks (and the rest of life on Earth) with just a sip of this here deadly juice. Now made with gogi berries!” he added.

Among the brothers’ other inventory include products like ‘Refugee Crisis Cream’, ‘Debt Reductioner’, and ‘Existential Woe Relief Concoction’.

But while the Brimley Brothers have a long history of scamming Pasadena residents, local travel agent Beatrice Potter says she has found their new products to be of a higher quality.

“I had some of their Drought Tonic and it was pretty effective. It’s a clear liquid you can drink yourself or give to your plants. Cleared my dehydration right up!” she said.

› tags: brimleys / scams / tonic /