Area Dickhead Has It All Figured Out

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April 1, 2016 - Local / Uncategorized

According to reports, local dickhead James Wilson has it all figured out.

“Oh I used to care about politics, ” he told coworker Betsy Davis after she asked him if he was voting.

“But then I realized it’s just boring and stupid. When I hear people talking about voting and stuff I’m just like ‘Wow, shut the fuck up, you really don’t get it,’” he added.

Wilson’s family and friends say he is usually not shy about sharing his viewpoints, though they are rarely ever wanted or accurate.

“He’s that awful combination of stupid and overconfident,” said Leroy Williams, a neighbor.

“He’s the kind of guy who is 100% sure that 9/11 was an inside job. And if you argue with him, he will just shake his head in a patronizing way.”

But that criticism hasn’t deterred Wilson from continuing to voice his opinions.

“Breakfast is for pussies,” he said.

“People who eat breakfast are just stupid. Also, Taoism is the correct religion,” he added.

› tags: douches / opinions /