5 Tips For Getting Through Your First Day Back At Work After The Holidays

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January 4, 2016 - Universe

5. Quit your job

Fuck it. It’s not worth it. You’ll be able to find a new job by February if you really dedicate yourself to it. Definitely by March at the very latest. And if you quit it means right at this moment you could go drink a beer. Sounds pretty refreshing, huh?

4. Start Smoking

When you begin to smoke, you open up ample new opportunities to take breaks. Get an annoying email? Take a smoking break! Coworker having an aneurysm? Smoke time. If you love the idea of being ‘addicted’ to extra break time (and cancer), you’ll adore smoking!

3. Leave Your Body

This is a technique used by psychopaths and prisoners of war alike to allow the mind to escape the horrors of reality. While you risk permanently splitting yourself into two selves, you will reap the rewards when you robotically get through that presentation while your psyche is sleeping on beautiful clouds of nothingness.

2. Slap Yourself In The Face Until You’re Back Into Your Pre-Holiday Rut

Sometime it takes a while. But just keep slapping away and you’ll get there.

1. Come On, Just Quit Your Job

Think about it. Today at 5:00, would you rather be in your cubicle or at your favorite bar sharing a toast with your best bar-buddies to your new future? The choice is obvious. It’s the one with the alcohol!

 

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