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Editorial: Where Have I Been? Well, Definitely Not In Lewisberg, VA On February 22nd, 2017! Nope!

April 21, 2018

by Meg Davis, Pasadena Hey everybody! So good to see you again! Yes, it’s me, Meg Davis. The girl who owns the discount laundromat on Lake, where your clothes always come back smelling like feet. Yep, it’s really me! I’ve had a lot of people coming up to me and asking needlessly probing questions about…

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Editorial: I Make A Mean, Dirty, Nasty Meatloaf

March 23, 2018

by John Smote, Monrovia. Mmmm. Smell that? You guessed it. Daddy’s got a meatloaf going tonight. His special recipe. You know the one I’m talking about. This meatloaf is mean. It is straight up cruel. It’s the kind of meatloaf who would dump you on prom night. Or host a poker night and rig it….

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Lifestyle: How to Balance Time Between Your Demanding Job and Raising Your Hermit Crabs

January 10, 2018

With a demanding job in the year in the modern age, it can be difficult to find time for the things you love. Smart phones and wifi make it almost impossible to be out of your coworkers reach when you are off the clock. So how is it possible to maintain a busy work life…

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List: Things I’ve Learned From Dating Russian Bots

December 23, 2017

by Elise June, Monrovia The internet is a scary place, and dating on the internet can be even scarier. I’ve spent years in and out of relationships with Russian bots, and it can take quite a toll on you if you’re not prepared for the challenges you may face. For this reason I have written…

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Police Say Man Who Eats A Lot Of Hot Dogs No Longer Suspect In Missing Hot Dogs Case

December 8, 2017

Pasadena Police Chief Lou Williams announced today that local hot dog connoisseur Robert Samuels is no longer a suspect in the hot dog bandit case. “We were able to determine that Samuels had a rock-solid alibi. He was at home eating hot dogs and watching reruns of Roseanne. And we have the video to prove…

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Editorial: The Pasadena Judicial Establishment Needs To Respect The Rights Of My Richest Clients

November 16, 2017

By Defense Attorney Sadie Mooston I’ve been a defense attorney in this town for twenty years. It’s a satisfying job to know that, each day, I get to protect the rights of and defend the accused. But it is frustrating working in a town with a schizophrenic judicial establishment and citizenry, which only respects the…

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Letter to the Editor: Why Does the Number of Days in Each Month Keep Changing?

November 12, 2017

by Clyde Johnson, Monrovia That’s it, I give up already! Just this morning my wife asked me if we could visit her parents in La Jolla at the end of next month. “What day is that?” I asked. She started to say something unhelpful, I’m sure, but I had had it up to here with…

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Editorial: Having Read A Few Sentences In The Wikipedia Article On Sexual Assault I Can No Longer Support Roy Moore

November 10, 2017

by Mike Lee, U.S. Senator from Utah My fellow Americans, I am horrified. Following the allegations against senate candidate Roy Moore, I decided it was time for me to do a little reading on sexual assault. I browsed the first few lines of the Wikipedia article on sexual assault and I did not like what…

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Editorial: I May Smell Like Chicken Salad But I Have A Right To My Opinion

November 4, 2017

by Bert Strong, Pasadena Come on now, people. This needs to come to an end. I am sick and tired of being bullied and criticized just because I smell like chicken salad. Yes, I eat chicken salad pretty often. So what? That means I don’t get to come to town hall meetings and express my opinion?…

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